It has been 2 months since I last wrote. I have thought about writing almost every single day. I have thought about topics that I want to write about- I’ve written complete blog posts in my head, but they have never made it to my keyboard. I am here now, and I am going to write something fantastic… so lets get started.
At the beginning of September I went to a retreat in Vermont. As a fairly introverted person, I started to feel nauseous and an overwhelming feeling of anxiety as the date came closer. I am really quite fantastic one-on-one, but throw me into a group and I want to completely disappear. All of the women were fantastic. The food was to die for, and although I was really unimpressed with the strict “No Alcohol” policy, I survived and have been able to get along with much less Malbec since going. A break with my rich red friend, was exactly what I needed. I had hoped to find the peace that I needed so desperately after the passing of my dad- and I think I may have. I found that it’s ok to grieve. It’s ok for me to miss him everyday. It’s ok that I can appear to be perfectly fine one minute and completely inconsolable the next. He was my dad for 41 years. You don’t recover from a loss of that magnitude in a short amount of time. It takes a while. I’m going to miss him for as long as I am alive. That will never go away. The question for me was, how do I move on? How do I go forward from here? We did a few exercises which involved us thinking about where we wanted to be in 5 years… 10 years..? People actually have answers for that. Honestly, I just wanted to get through the day…. Such a hard question. I really admire people who have a clear vision for themselves. Here I am 6 weeks later and I still (for the most part) just want to get through the day.
I have been running!!! YES!!! Progress!!! Pretty much exclusively on the treadmill in front of Netflix. (Bate’s Motel is really good!) It’s funny how taking, what you think is a short period of time off, can make you feel like you are starting all over again from the beginning. It’s also funny how I feel the effects of running on a treadmill in my lower back much more than I used to. Ugh. I need to get my butt outside, but I am afraid… you see… it’s cold out there. As someone who has run quite a bit in the arctic (more than I EVER wanted to in fact), I know that getting out the door is the hardest part. I really just need to set my mind to it and go. OK. I will. This week. My dogs will really appreciate it.
I’m starting to look at other races to supplement the training for my goal race. That is key. By doing that, I am assuring myself that if something disastrous happens (which we have already decided will NOT happen) than I will at least have the distances from the secondary races. There are just so many good races out there… it is really hard to pick.
Talk soon!
somethingaboutshawna 
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